Somewhere there’s a part of me apart from me

As I lay wasted before another weak

As Eve’s wreathe slowly slips over me

I drank to sleep and stopped hearing Him speak

I fucked a fair amount and found it’s not free

Pocket change is all I have left of me

My thoughts still water the wells I see

That I knew love without longing as its decree

You’re a part of me apart from me I can’t explain

That softly speaks and visits dreams about the rain

That whispers love and whispers lost wishing to say

I’m the one you talked to everyday

I can’t throw away the place from which I’d grown

Like how there are days I wish I’d never known

You’re a part of me apart from me I can’t explain

That never sleeps but visits dreams about the rain

Going back to find the way forward.

Why are you so far from me?/

You made me trust in you./

“I had it all planned out. I had the rope, I picked the tree, I’d even rehearsed it. I was all ready to go. I was going to go in the midle of the night to hang myself, buck-naked, with a tulip sticking out of my ass. Because God made the Earth and I didn’t have a vote on getting here but I sure do for when I leave. My anxiety kept me on the couch for 560 days. And Friday, after calling Dr. Williams, I made it to the pharmacy to change my prescription, and Tuesday I made it to my brother’s birthday. It was a fucking miracle. Because you know, we’re macho. We can’t admit our weakness. But you gotta own it. The people who take the rope, they’re the ones who don’t know that you guys are grinding to find a cure. Just think of that. Please think of that, and help save my people.”

P18

“Doc. Let me ask you, man to man, do I need this surgery now? I’ve run through enough of my family’s money trying to stay alive, and I can’t. I’ve got pulmonary edema. It means I can’t sleep unless I’m sitting upright. My heart is failing, and I can’t walk anymore because my joints are all swollen up, so my kidneys just started to go. The doctor said I had 3-5 years and it’s been 3 now, but insurance won’t give me disability because I don’t know when I’m going to die…could be 10 years, 30 years, could be now”. He pretended to take his last breath and we all laugh a little. We held off on scheduling the surgery.

P4

Love: intimacy vs. isolation (early adulthood, 20-39 years)

Existential Question: Can I Love?

The Intimacy vs. Isolation conflict is emphasized around the age of 30. At the start of this stage, identity vs. role confusion is coming to an end, though it still lingers at the foundation of the stage (Erikson, 1950). Erikson believes we are sometimes isolated due to intimacy. We are afraid of rejections such as being turned down or our partners breaking up with us. We are familiar with pain and to some of us rejection is so painful that our egos cannot bear it. Erikson also argues that “Intimacy has a counterpart: Distantiation: the readiness to isolate and if necessary, to destroy those forces and people whose essence seems dangerous to our own, and whose territory seems to encroach on the extent of one’s intimate relations” (1950).

Once people have established their identities, they are ready to make long-term commitments to others. They become capable of forming intimate, reciprocal relationships (e.g. through close friendships or marriage) and willingly make the sacrifices and compromises that such relationships require. If people cannot form these intimate relationships – perhaps because of their own needs – a sense of isolation may result; arousing feelings of darkness and angst.